“Don’t be like me, son.” – Those are the words of wisdom my grandfather, Gordon C. O’Neal, Sr., spoke to my dad, Rev. Gordon C. O’Neal, Jr., as a young child. Those five words were taken to heart by my dad eight decades ago and with the help of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my dad’s choice to receive salvation and his decision to follow Jesus, it has transformed the O’Neal legacy and broke the curse that Satan had inflicted on the men in my dad’s family for many generations! I never met my grandfather because he died an alcoholic in his early 30’s, and I am in my early 60’s and have already outlived most of the men in my father’s family and my dad, by God’s grace, just celebrated his 90th birthday!
Born the youngest of two children on January 5, 1935, in Portsmouth, VA, to Gordon and Catherine, my dad and his older sister, Connie, experienced something rare in those days – children of divorced parents. They were primarily raised by two of their aunts and my dad had to make sacrifices that prevented him from enjoying some of the pleasures of childhood, such as participating in organized sports, as he worked with his uncle as a teenager delivering ice to families. A couple of decades later, in the prime of his life, my dad made the ultimate sacrifice after spending years running from “the call”, to accept his call to preach the gospel and two years later, when I was nine years old, uprooted our family (with my mom and his wife, Juanita, reluctantly following) from the comfort of his hometown in the South to move to New England to become a full time seminary student for three years.
Most of you may know my dad as a Senior Pastor, but my dad grew up in the segregated South doing many odd jobs, including cab driver. My earliest and fondest memories of my dad is of his hands being dirty and smelling like oil as he came home from work from his job as an auto mechanic at Sears and Roebuck, where I learned years later, that as a Black man he was making much less than his white coworkers. I also remember my dad, during the summer when he was in seminary, working in a factory in Framingham, MA, and for a year after his graduation from seminary, traveling the country and working as recruiter for that college.
I fondly remember my dad cooking breakfast for the family, caring for us when we were sick and being affectionately hugged and kissed on the cheek as a boy until I was about 13 years old. Changing diapers for my little brother, Carlton (he was one of the few men who changed diapers for all three of his children, starting in the 1950s), teaching my older brother, Gordon III, how to shave, getting up early in the morning and teaching me how to drive, and going to school meetings with teachers advocating for his sons!
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when they get old, he will not depart from it.” This was the motif of my dad, with help from my mom. Despite the racism and many challenges he faced, including 20 years as a pastor of a church, and a currently 68-year marriage to my mom, he persevered through all of this with the help of Jesus Christ our Lord! I loved and admired watching my dad preach and lead the congregation, and it inspired me to accept God’s call on my life as a youth leader and ministering in the prison, which I have been doing for the past 31 years!
In his later years as grandfather of 3, and great-grandfather of 5, with #6 on the way this month, he continues to impact the next two generations. He is also continuing to mentor pastors who are in some instances 60 plus years younger than him. But in spite of all of his great accomplishments, my dad will be the first to tell you in his humility, he is far from perfect and has made many mistakes; however his advice to many probably comes from one of his favorite scriptures, Isaiah 55:6-7, “Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts, and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.”
The O’Neal legacy that will be shared in a few years with my grandson, currently in the womb, will be very different from the advice received by my dad from his father. My son may say – “Be like your great-grandfather and follow Jesus Christ and let Him guide your life!” ■