—–By Latoya Bosworth, PhD—–

How are you? So often we are asked or ask that question, already anticipating an automatic response of “fine” or “good” because it’s the polite thing to say. After all, we can’t just spill our guts to everyone. I mean what if I answered, “Awful. Menopause is killing me. I wake up in sweats, and I can’t wear any of my winter sweaters because I’ll die if I have a hot flash.” Awkward, right?

Sometimes we can work through things on our own or over dinner with our girlfriends. Other times, we need professional guidance from a therapist. That’s right, a therapist. Just as it’s important to get a yearly mammogram or a cholesterol check, it’s equally important to get a mental and emotional assessment. However, the National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that only 25 percent of African-Americans will seek therapy, even though we are 20 percent more likely to experience mental health issues. Our reticence is a result of our warranted distrust of medical professionals, misconceptions about mental health, and the cultural and religious belief that praying about it will fix it. The reality is, it is time to take charge of our mental health because it directly impacts every aspect of our lives. Black women tend to put mental health care on the bottom of our to-do list, if at all. Being black and female often carries the burden being automatically crowned a “Strong Black Woman.” And we do not wish to disappoint. Instead we push our feelings to the side, or drown them in façade, food, drink, work, or worse–social media–to the detriment of ourselves. We make sure that even if we shop at the thrift store or color our hair on our own that we look good no matter what, but we don’t do that for our inside. I used to be so guilty of it myself for years, but I am no longer weighed down by the armor of the Superwoman title. For me, mental health checkups make me a better mother, employee, and friend.

Having church, friends and family to support you is a wonderful thing. However, confiding in them sometimes means you will be judged (aloud, in their heads, or behind your back). And once you divulge drama about your significant other, then you can count on them to hold a grudge even if you don’t. Friends and family can’t always offer the objective lenses needed to address some issues and may project their fears and experiences on you. A licensed therapist, on the other hand, doesn’t hold grudges, instead they let you talk and ask you the type of leading questions that compel you to figure out how to handle your situation, or if additional support is needed. Even if you don’t go regularly (because honestly there may not be a need to), schedule a checkup for 2019. Check with your health insurance providers about finding a fit for you. There may be a problem you aren’t aware of lurking in your subconscious. Then again, everything might be fine. But you won’t know unless you go. ■