Two weeks before her daughter’s estimated due date, Sylvana boarded a plane in Sau Paulo, Brazil to travel to Massachusetts. She traveled with treats to remind her daughter Debbie of home, a present for her son-in-law, and a cute outfit for the grandson that would soon be born. But more important than all the items in her luggage, Sylvana carried a gift that couldn’t be purchased anywhere: her skill and knowledge of birthing her own four children and caring for them as infants.
As modern people, we research everything. We google, we scroll Instagram, we listen to podcasts and we
attend “youtube university” to get our information. We search for “experts” to guide us in our practices around what we eat, how we exercise, how we meditate, how we fix things, and,
yes, how we labor, birth, and raise our babies.
And yet, there she is, our mother, or if not our mother, our aunties, cousins, and grandmothers, who have already navigated this “coming of age” process of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum in their own lives. They also had mothers themselves and grandmothers and a whole ancestry of culture, practices and traditions that informed and guided them. What to eat to keep nausea down in first trimester. What to do to reduce hip pain in the last weeks. Which teas strengthen the qi and maximize energy. Which herbs promote breast milk production.
This timeless wisdom often isn’t written down and doesn’t come from a faceless expert whose warmth and compassion we will never feel.
Rather, this wisdom flows from the soft words of a woman who flies across the world to be by her daughter’s side. Who cleans the house to have it ready. Who prewashes all of the baby’s clothes so they won’t irritate his skin. Who cooks up fabulous Brazilian comfort foods to promote well-being. Who listens to her daughter as she shares her excitement and her fears. Who tells her daughter that she can do it – not just the labor and the birth, but the mothering too.
As Debbie navigates the first weeks of mothering, Sylvana shares the things she learned over the years. Breastfeeding and swaddling and sleeping positions and healing foods. And then, when the sun sets and Debbie needs a bit of rest before the nighttime nursing starts, Sylvana rocks her grandson to sleep with a love that could never be measured, even by the most accomplished expert.
I say to Debbie, “If only every new mother had a Sylvana!”
But then, I realize that many of us do have this precious resource, if we are willing to listen and accept. A mother or elder who lives down the street or in the next town could be a sage guide far more meaningful than google. As we prioritize the voices of our mothers and grandmothers, we not only benefit from the wisdom and warmth of their lived experience, but we also bestow the honor and joy on our ancestors of passing their expertise to the next generation. ■